Permission to date my daughter.

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and current medical report from your doctor.

Name: __________________________ Date of Birth: __________________________
Height: ___________ Weight: _____________ IQ:___________ GPA: _____________
PIN# ______________________ Drivers License # ____________________________
Boy scout Rank and Badges ________________________________________________
Home Address: _______________________________ City/Town: ________________
Province: _______________________ District: _______________________________ 
Location: __________________ Sub Location: ________________________________
Village: ________________________________
Do you have parents?                             ______ Yes _______ No
Is one male and the other Female?      _______Yes _______ No
If No, Explain: _______________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married: _________________________ 
If less than your age, Explain: ____________________________________________

Accessories Section 
A. Do you own or have access to a van?   ______Yes ______ No
B. A truck with oversized tires? _______Yes _______No
C. A Waterbed? ______Yes _______No
D. A Pickup with a mattress in the back? ______Yes ______No
E. A tattoo? ______ Yes ______No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring ____Yes _____No

If you answer "YES" to any of the above, DISCONTINUE application and LEAVE premises IMMEDIATELY. I suggest RUNNING.

Essay Section 
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? 
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________

References Section 
Church you attend: ____________________________________________________
How often do you attend: _______________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview you: ________________________________
Father: _______________
Mother:_______________
Bishop:_______________

Short Answer Section 
Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential.
A. If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be: __________________________________________________________________
B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: __________________________________________________________________
C. A woman's place in the: _______________________________________________
D. The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask me about is: __________________________________________________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________________
F. When I meet a girl , the thing I always notice about her first is: __________________________________________________________________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? ______________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN AND TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

____________________________________________________________
Applicants Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
__________________________                              __________________________
           Mothers Signature                                                                Fathers Signature


___________________________                            __________________________
Bishop's Signature                                                               State Representative/congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. 
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases. 
 

Too long

It's been too long since I'm blogged, but my goal is to make it a weekly habit. Especially when the kids say something funny.

Speaking of funny... This was my conversation with Emily after Jodi left with Grandma Pilling.

Me: I love my baby girl.
Emily: I'm not your baby girl.
Me: You're not my baby girl.
Emily: I'm your kid.
Me: I want a baby girl.
Emily: You can have a baby girl when you get pregnant. (She said this while pointing to my belly.)

My darling girl gave me a great big laugh. It's hard to believe that she's 4 years already.