True Feelings

I know that each and everyone of us has feelings, but we keep some of our truest feelings in. Especially when it concerns a loved one, friend or because we're afraid. I do this a lot.
So in this post I'm going to share some of my true feelings. I'm not proud of everything I've said, not said or done. It's hard to think clearly while in the middle of chaos. I know that some will not like what I might say but there is a point to how much a person can take. Part of me wants to write a letter to a few people and tell them what I think, but I wont.

I love my family, but I don't want to talk with them. Every time I talk to them they lecture me. I've grown up a lot since they've known me. The only one in my family that ever made me feel loved was my Mum. It tears me up to hear how she's being treated. She's a grown woman who raised all five of us with very little help from our father. I felt like I was the outsider looking in. I know that I was the spoiled baby, but maybe it had a little to do with my siblings wanting absolute nothing to do with me unless I could babysit for them or their friends so they could go out. It felt like after I got married that they wanted to get to know me.
I've lived so long without knowing any of my siblings so it's easy to live in a different country from them. I was once told that I was the only one that could be with any of my siblings without any fights occurring. It was jokingly said, but it hurt. Not because I wanted to fight with them, it hurt because it felt that was all that happened between them. They didn't and still don't look for the good in each other. The reason I didn't get in as many fights is because I kept in what I felt. If I'm on the phone with any of them, and I can't take the negativity any more then I tell them bye and hang up. They always call back pissed off because I hung up, but I don't answer til I'm ready to talk. I don't want to say something I'll regret, so I hang up.
I know I missed my brother's birthday, but what are you suppose to say to someone you don't know? "Hey, Happy Birthday. Umm bye" No that wont pass.

When I finally get the courage to tell someone very close how I feel, the reaction I get makes me feel worthless. Especially when that person picks up the phone to make a call. How about when you hear the good news when that person is telling someone else?

Goodnight. I should get some sleep before the little ones wake up. Oh, no worries about my family reading this or the other person.

Pumpkin Seeds

Last night we started carving pumpkins. We only succeeded in finishing one of the four pumpkins, but all the innards are out. I left the pumpkins so I could get the kids in bed. James woke up a few hours later because he wanted to snuggle. While we were snuggling on the couch we had a funny conversation.
James: I want to snuggle.
Me: I can't come upstairs to snuggle right now. I still have the pumpkin mess to clean up still.
James: Will you cook the pumpkin seeds?
Me: I don't think so, and remember I'm sick.
James: Please Mom!
Me: I'll just dump them in the trash and I'll buy some cooked pumpkin seeds from the store.
James: Mom that is wasteful. It's cheaper just to cook the ones that we have.

What was I suppose to say to that? He was grinning from ear to ear. I just really wanted to wipe his face clean until there was no grin. He knew that he got me. OH! What am I going to do with him?

So many items so little $

If you're in the same boat as me then you have little extra money. There's so many things that I want but very little money. Ben's awesome cousin is having another $50 GIVEAWAY with CSN Stores! I doubt that any of you wouldn't want $50 GIVEAWAY with CSN Stores! So click here to enter. My wonderful SIL Corinne won last time. It was awesome to hear her response when she won. 

Permission to date my daughter.

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and current medical report from your doctor.

Name: __________________________ Date of Birth: __________________________
Height: ___________ Weight: _____________ IQ:___________ GPA: _____________
PIN# ______________________ Drivers License # ____________________________
Boy scout Rank and Badges ________________________________________________
Home Address: _______________________________ City/Town: ________________
Province: _______________________ District: _______________________________ 
Location: __________________ Sub Location: ________________________________
Village: ________________________________
Do you have parents?                             ______ Yes _______ No
Is one male and the other Female?      _______Yes _______ No
If No, Explain: _______________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married: _________________________ 
If less than your age, Explain: ____________________________________________

Accessories Section 
A. Do you own or have access to a van?   ______Yes ______ No
B. A truck with oversized tires? _______Yes _______No
C. A Waterbed? ______Yes _______No
D. A Pickup with a mattress in the back? ______Yes ______No
E. A tattoo? ______ Yes ______No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring ____Yes _____No

If you answer "YES" to any of the above, DISCONTINUE application and LEAVE premises IMMEDIATELY. I suggest RUNNING.

Essay Section 
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? 
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________

References Section 
Church you attend: ____________________________________________________
How often do you attend: _______________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview you: ________________________________
Father: _______________
Mother:_______________
Bishop:_______________

Short Answer Section 
Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential.
A. If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be: __________________________________________________________________
B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: __________________________________________________________________
C. A woman's place in the: _______________________________________________
D. The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask me about is: __________________________________________________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________________
F. When I meet a girl , the thing I always notice about her first is: __________________________________________________________________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? ______________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN AND TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

____________________________________________________________
Applicants Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
__________________________                              __________________________
           Mothers Signature                                                                Fathers Signature


___________________________                            __________________________
Bishop's Signature                                                               State Representative/congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. 
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases. 
 

Too long

It's been too long since I'm blogged, but my goal is to make it a weekly habit. Especially when the kids say something funny.

Speaking of funny... This was my conversation with Emily after Jodi left with Grandma Pilling.

Me: I love my baby girl.
Emily: I'm not your baby girl.
Me: You're not my baby girl.
Emily: I'm your kid.
Me: I want a baby girl.
Emily: You can have a baby girl when you get pregnant. (She said this while pointing to my belly.)

My darling girl gave me a great big laugh. It's hard to believe that she's 4 years already.

It's Merry CHRISTmas!

Twas the month before Christmas*
*When all through our land,*


*Not a Christian was praying*
*Nor taking a stand.*
*See the PC Police had taken away,*
*The reason for Christmas - no one could say.*
*The children were told by their schools not to sing,*
*About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.*
*It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say*
* December 25th is just a ' Holiday '.*
*Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit*
*Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!*
*CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod*
*Something was changing, something quite odd! *
*Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa*
*In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.*
*As Targets were hanging their trees upside down*
* At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.*
*At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears*
*You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.*
*Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty*
*Are words that were used to intimidate me.*
*Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen*
*On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton !*
*At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter*
*To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.*
*And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith*
* Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace*
*The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded*
*The reason for the season, stopped before it started.*
*So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'*
*Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.*
*Choose your words carefully, choose what you say*
*Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS ,
not Happy Holiday !*
Please, all Christians join together and
wish everyone you meet during the
holidays a
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Christ is The Reason for the Christ-mas Season!

Sorry

Sorry if my last post didn't make much sense, misspelled, or grammar is all wrong. I was too tired.